A Yankee Wizard In The People's City
Then a fax arrived from an unknown wizard in a small town just North of
Auckland offering to help in winning the spiritual war that was raging
there. Naturally dubious of the credentials of a wizard he had never heard
of, The Wizard made further enquiries.
Wizard Ron was a Yank living in Silverdale where he and his wife Paula, a
Kiwi, ran a small shop selling Mexican silver. He was on good terms with The
District Mayor and local Businessmens' Association. He believed it would
bring credit (in both senses of the word) if The Wizard were invited, all
expenses paid, to perform his controversial Rain Dance in Silverdale.
The Mayor of the Rodney District sent the invitation and a few days later,
in a blaze of media publicity, The Wizard arrived to dance in the main
street of humble Silverdale.
A Wizard Fly-Over
To ensure success a helicopter was chartered to fly The Wizard over Auckland
City whilst he made suitable gestures and chants to encourage precipitation.
At the same time his voice was broadcast over a local radio
station. He urged the population down below to look up and, when they saw
his plane, to demonstrate their support by doing a few dance steps or their
disapproval by shaking their fists.
The Wizard then returned to the South Island to do some tourist magic for
the ski fields in Queenstown.
Flooded With Water But Not With Thanks
Three days later, without warning, the rains came. And came. And Came. It
has now been raining heavily in Auckland, for more days than not, for almost
three years. In spite of receiving a large number of private letters
politely requesting him to return to Auckland to stop the rain, he has made
it quite clear that, until one or more of the four City Councils who run
Auckland writes to him to communicate their thanks for saving
them from a serious crisis, he will just let the rain continue unabated. To
date no official thanks have been received.
The Wizard Tackles The Impossible
This incredible story does not end here. The final (?) chapter took place a
few weeks after The Wizard won the battle over the souls of Auckland. He
received a phone call from Radio Station 2GB in Sydney begging his
assistance to break the catastrophic seven-year drought in the Outback of
NSW and Queensland. This time he hesitated before putting his hard won
reputation as a miracle-worker on the line.
He decided to try his "luck" just one more time and once again insisted that
it be at the at the invitation of a City or District Council. The Mayor and
Council of Tamworth in NSW and the local Shire Council both
invited him to perform his legendary Rain Dance in their region.
The media attention waiting for him on arrival in Sydney was hard to believe
though the general mood was, to put it mildly, one of extreme scepticism.
The Wizard announced that should his Rain Dance break the
drought the only reward he wanted was the title of "Wizard of Australia". He
was already the official Wizard of New Zealand and wished to combine the
titles to become "Wizard of Australasia".
On arrival at Tamworth he was warmly welcomed by the Mayor and Shire
President and after a good lunch proceeded to a sun-backed paddock
under a blazing sun in a clear blue sky.
In the presence of a small gathering of bankrupt farmers and Aboriginal
Tribal Elders he had invited through his extensive network of friendly nuns,
he performed the Rain Dance once again on rock-hard ground. The Mayor was
away harvesting his stunted wheat crop "in case it rained". The TV cameras
had traveled with him all the way from New Zealand this time as TV3 knew
that this was "a great story".
The Rain Dance completed, The Wizard returned exhausted to Sydney and was
preparing to pack to leave for New Zealand when the news came through that
huge storm clouds were gathering over Tamworth and that thunder and
lightening were alarming the locals.
On arrival in Christchurch the TV news programmes were reporting excitedly
on heavy rainfalls in the stricken regions including Tamworth. Film was
obtained from Tamworth and broadcast in New Zealand showing the rain and
interviewing the locals, surprisingly few of whom would openly admit that
The Wizard's Rain Dance had produced the long awaited rain. Feeble
explanations about cloud seeding, local prayers or sheer chance were
offered. If the Wizard had failed he would have been the but of everyone's
jokes but when he succeeds no one wants to give him credit.
NZ Skeptics Society Confounded
The New Zealanders knew all right and they were filled with pride for their
amazing wizard. Dr Dennis Dutton, spokesman for the NZ Skeptics Society, who
had unmasked many "New Age" rip-offs, stated on National TV that The Wizard
is the only individual they have ever come across who possesses true
"paranormal" powers.
Needless to say the Australian Government did not make the appoint he sought
in spite of achieving the impossible. The Wizard was particularly irked when
shortly afterwards a coastal shower, so common in Sydney, which occurred
during The Pope's visit to canonise The Blessed Mary McKillop, was taken as
a true miracle and a sign that she is a genuine saint.
What's Cool On The Aboriginal Pre-Literate Internet?
On the positive side, being a primitive "throwback" himself, The Wizard is
still chuckling about what is being said in the powerful oral Aboriginal
Tribal Network about the appearance of an ex-University Academic,
Anglo-Saxon wizard from New Zealand who performed a successful Rain Dance
right before the eyes of their representatives on the prestigious Land
Rights Council.
The Wizard Dances No More
Owing to the complete lack of appreciation from civic and state government
authorities for his efforts on their behalf and the massive storm of hatred
he has brought on his head from rich and politically influential
fundamentalist christian leaders, The Wizard has now retired from Rain
Dancing and restricts himself to the occasional spell to bring snow to the
ski-fields.
If you missed it—see Part 1 of
“The
Rain-Dance Kid”...
Other examples of post-modern wizardry can be found on the
Wizard's Home Page.
