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Part The First - The Stolen
Image, The Mt. Cook Group
And Air New Zealand
- The Wizard Of New Zealand - 8/5/97
"We live in a world of proliferating images...The world of the image has
become the world of the real at the same time as postmodernism has
shown the world of the real to be a mere image...Nothing has any
particular significance, so nothing can be dismissed as
insignificant..Banality is threatened with its hour of glory.
"To ward off the banal, we must use excess and irony....if we fail to use
excess and irony we are in danger of creating a new order of hatred and
false compassion. Once we lose the illusion of the real, then if we see
everything as equally banal, we fall prey to a culture of indifference and
sameness"
"The Spectator" review of Baudrillard's latest novel, 29/3/97.
“The ongoing adventure of a lone cybernetic wizard versus the Mount
Cook Group, a subsidiary of Air New Zealand, in this narrative, an
evil multinational corporation. The Wizard of New Zealand tells
the story himself.”
So Real it's Unreal
One fine day in October 1994 I was at my home in Christchurch
reading and sipping a cup of tea, when Alice came in with the mail. One of
the letters was from a mutual friend, a nun who lived in Sydney. Inside the
letter she enclosed a full-page advertisement cut from The Sydney Sun
Herald. To our mutual amazement the advert, which was for the Mount
Cook Group of travel companies, featured a picture of me under a headline
"NEW ZEALAND - SO REAL IT'S UNREAL".
The photo of me, obviously obtained from the Canterbury Tourism Council,
was the only picture on the page, and was incorrectly identified as "The
Wizard of Christchurch". The advertisement listed The Mount Cook Group's
coach services which were tied in with flights by its parent company, Air
New Zealand. In the copy was the phrase, "You'll discover the legendary
Wizard of Christchurch, towering mountains..etc"
We were both shocked because we had no idea that my precious image,
which took decades to build up and enhance, was being used in a major
commercial promotion overseas. Moreover it was featured prominently in the
most prestigious newspaper of one of the world's major cities without my
knowledge or permission.
Years of Friendly Cooperation
Over the past twenty years I have been associated with the Mount
Cook Group in a number of promotions for Queenstown and other tourist
resorts. These have been both imaginative and economical.
On one occasion I arranged for ALF's Imperial Army to mount a marine
invasion of Queenstown from the lake. On another I organised a week of
activities there which included being marched on by a group of mature
"suffragettes" who, incensed at a few harmless comments I had made on the
evils of women, pitched me into the lake.
The week culminated with me on the crest of a hill high above the city
(complete with an "over-the-top" yankee commentator) casting a powerful
spell to pacify the giant of Lake Wakatipu. I had explained to the locals that
the sleeping giant had been awakened by a visiting American film crew (who
had recently been crashing aircraft into the lake) and was about to emerge
from the lake and destroy Queenstown. A virgin had to be thrown into the
lake as a sacrifice to the giant.
The timing was crucial and we arranged a link-up with a radio transmitter so
that the crew knew when to throw the maiden out of the boat. The spell (and
fullsome commentary) from the heights above the town was broadcast
through loudspeakers on the water-front for all to hear. It was a triumphant
success. The Wakatipu giant was pacified, went back to sleep, and has been
quiet ever since.
On another occasion at Mount Hutt, when they needed snow, I performed a
snow-spell so powerful that a few hours later the ski field was cut off from
the outside world for some days. Norm Geary, the chairman of Air New
Zealand at the time, was present and was most impressed. The slight
"cock-up" over the blessing of the first Boeing 767 to arrive here for service
with Air New Zealand had not yet occurred. One day I will tell this
embarrassing story on my web-site.
In June, shortly before the arrival of the Australian press cutting and fresh
from my popular triumph in overcoming the opposition of evil fundamentalists
to break the catastrophic drought in Auckland, (see The Rain Dance Kid on
this site) I had spent a week in Queenstown helping to promote the Mount
Cook Group's Winter Festival.
I got them two or three brilliant pictures in the news media including one in
colour on the front page of "The Southland Times" showing me attempting to
beat other competitors in a celebrity ski race with rocket-powered skis. This
was not successful but made an excellent photo opportunity.
In summary, I have been most cooperative with the Mount Cook Group (and
their parent company, Air New Zealand) for twenty years. Whenever I have
been asked to join with them in some imaginative promotion we have first
agreed terms and then we have both fulfilled our sides of the deal.
With all this in mind I contacted the headquarters of Mount Cook, which is
fortunately in Christchurch, to find out what was going on and was put on to
their marketing manager, Mr Tynan.
We met a few days later and I explained the situation to him. He said he was
sure I had agreed to the use of my image and name in the Sydney promotion
but would check at headquarters and make sure. I was annoyed but not
angry and insisted that I knew nothing about the promotion and had never
been consulted or offered a fee. It was an impasse, but I assured him I would
not let the matter rest.
Duty Calls - I Fly to Australia
By one of those strange co-incidences which plague the lives of
magicians, a day or two after receiving the press cutting I was
contacted by Ita Buttrose of Radio 2GB Sydney on quite a different matter.
The outback in New South Wales was in the grip of a fearful drought and
since news of my recent success as a rainmaker in Auckland had reached
Australia they wanted me to go there and perform my magical rain dance.
I explained that I would need time to consider before deciding to take on this
Herculean task (the drought had lasted several years and there had been no
rain of any significance for six months). I also explained that I only go to
make rain if requested formally to do so by the local mayor and council.
Radio 2GB rang up after a few days to say the Mayor and Council of
Tamworth and the Shire President of the surrounding countryside would be
overjoyed if I would come to their rescue. 2GB said they would cover travel
expenses.
This would mean travelling through Sydney. I would be able to see for myself
what was going on with Mt. Cook promotion there. I took this as a sign and
agreed to take the enormous risk of failing to bring rain and breaking my
perfect record.
A few days later I was on my way over the Tasman Sea on my mission of
mercy, complete with large drum, magic horn, and my trusty staff
"witchbane".
Go to
Part The Second...
Other examples of post-modern wizardry can be found on the
Wizard's Home Page.
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