I'm happy to say that I am re-presenting a collection of emails I
received of late and it was just too good and too NZ not to share
it with the readers of Nzine. If you know the author, we'd like to
acknowledge the clever little sod :) If you can add to this
already comprehensive list of chickendotes, click backchat.
Just remember, whenever you go out to cross the road of life, be
sure to wear clean underwear.
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road in NZ?
LANA COCKROFT: Sorry what was the question?
TUKUROIRANGI MORGAN: The chicken's mana entitled it to cross the
road whenever it wanted and wherever it wanted. The chicken is not
required to provide a reason for its actions. It's time the
rednecks stopped
chicken-bashing.
WINSTON PETERS:I am fed up with the constant stream of unproven
accusations from the press. This is not an appropriate forum
to reveal the motives of the chicken. To discuss this matter now
would
be to pre-empt a possible court action. I am frankly disappointed
you
asked that question.
SAM HUNT: So the chicken / crossed the road / and also rode / the
cross./ Our nation's boss /the Southern Cross / Now bears his
/PALTRY load.
MICHAEL JOSEPH SAVAGE: Where we go, the chicken goes. Where
we stand, the chicken stands.
PAUL HOLMES: Well. The chicken. Crossed the road. Or so we all
thought. It now seems that the whole story. May have been
invented. To boost. Interest in a new book published published I
might add yes I might I might indeed published by the very same
chook.
Tonight on Holmes. We investigate. The chook book crook ahmph.
JIM HICKEY: The chicken was tripped up by the end of a swirling
tropical cycloney whirl and caught in a nor'westerly flow by that
mashed
potato depression over the Pacific.
RODNEY HIDE: The chicken did not stop to consider the real cost of
its excursion because its government subsidised perk hid the cost
from
the taxpaying public.
LES MILLS: The chicken has made a choice, which was not
genetically
determined, and we would all live better together if the chicken
stopped trying to blame society for the choice the chicken made
for itself.
TAMA ITI: The chicken crossed the road to trample Tuhoe
rangitiratanga which if it had bothered to study the real
historical facts of this matter it would have known were the true
law and
custom which govern all chickens.
TEMUERA MORRISON: So it wouldn't be in Guatemala any more.
KEN MAIR: Birds are the true indigenous inhabitants of New Zealand
and as such are the true owners of all land. It is none of your
business what the chicken does on its land.
ANNETTE SYKES: You shouldn't be surprised if the chicken and
I crossed the road to plot terrorist activities, but please
understand
I'm not threatening anyone when I say that.
CES BLAZEY: The chicken and the road can and should have nothing
to
do with each other regardless of what was signed at Gleneagles.
THE INGHAM TWINS: Arh ... um yeah.... what me? umm... what....
GEOFFREY PALMER: Without a constitutional restraint, we, the
people
of New Zealand, cannot stop an unbridled chicken.
NIKE: Just did it.
SUZANNE PAUL: Howmuchwouldyouexpecttopay?
Notonlydoyougetthechickenwithwingsbutalsotheroadandifyouareoneofthe
first500callersI'llthrowinthisfabulousnaturalglowingcrossingwiththousands
oflumionousbluemonkeyshavepaidhundredsforit'syoursfree.PriceexcludesGST,
postagepackagingandspecialconditionsapply.
EDMUND HILLARY; The chicken knocked the bugger off because it
was there.
SEAN FITZPATRICK: Yeah, full credit to the chicken, it was a
road of two halves.
PAM CORKERY: Why did the CHICKEN cross the ROAD? That's just the
sort of stupid pig ignorant patronising question I've come to
expect a
dork like you to ask.
JOHN HAWKESBY: No comment.
DENIS GLOVER: When the chicken bought the farm the bracken
made its bed. And why not cross the road? the Magpies said.
COLIN McCAHON: IT WAS.
SUE BRADFORD: To protest.
RICHARD LOWE: I didn't do anything to the chicken.
RENEE CHIGNALL: Of course I made the chicken do it, but the
chicken wanted to be forced.
SUZY CATO: Road. R-O-A-D. Avenue, path, street, track,
motorway. Brrm Brrm. Road. See the chicken. See chicken run.
JUSTICE MAHON: It has been this roads misfortune to be
crossed by an orchastrated litany of chickens. The truth is the
most
probable cause was a malevolent trick of the poultry light.
C K STEAD: Volkner's was approaching when the chicken made its
break for the road. Left right, left right, peck and run.
MARC ELLIS: Ridgey kicked it there didnja mate didnja.
BERT POTTER: Your very question betrays your misconception of the
chicken. The chicken was old enough to consent.
DWAYNE FRANCKS: It was looking for CCC - Coops Clux Clan.
Why did the chicken cross the road in the USA?
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the
plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the
"other
side. That's what 'they' call it - the 'other side'. Yes, my
friends, that
chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become
gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that
the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the
other side'.
That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain
and simple
as that."
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without
having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us
that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for
us.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSAIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more
chickens have to
cross before you believe it?
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road
reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross
roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook
-and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the
chicken?
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by
'chicken'? Could you define 'chicken' please?
GEORGE W. BUSH:
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken
crossed the
'black man' in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou
shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and
there was
much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
NZine Disclaimer - In no way are we suggesting that any of the people
mentioned in this article have ever said any of the words attributed to
them. This is all for fun!
