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Why Did The Chicken
Cross The Road?

Dwayne Francks - 19/01/01

I'm happy to say that I am re-presenting a collection of emails I received of late and it was just too good and too NZ not to share it with the readers of Nzine. If you know the author, we'd like to acknowledge the clever little sod :) If you can add to this already comprehensive list of chickendotes, click backchat.

Just remember, whenever you go out to cross the road of life, be sure to wear clean underwear.

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road in NZ?

LANA COCKROFT: Sorry what was the question?

TUKUROIRANGI MORGAN: The chicken's mana entitled it to cross the road whenever it wanted and wherever it wanted. The chicken is not required to provide a reason for its actions. It's time the rednecks stopped chicken-bashing.

WINSTON PETERS:I am fed up with the constant stream of unproven accusations from the press. This is not an appropriate forum to reveal the motives of the chicken. To discuss this matter now would be to pre-empt a possible court action. I am frankly disappointed you asked that question.

SAM HUNT: So the chicken / crossed the road / and also rode / the cross./ Our nation's boss /the Southern Cross / Now bears his /PALTRY load.

MICHAEL JOSEPH SAVAGE: Where we go, the chicken goes. Where we stand, the chicken stands.

PAUL HOLMES: Well. The chicken. Crossed the road. Or so we all thought. It now seems that the whole story. May have been invented. To boost. Interest in a new book published published I might add yes I might I might indeed published by the very same chook. Tonight on Holmes. We investigate. The chook book crook ahmph.

JIM HICKEY: The chicken was tripped up by the end of a swirling tropical cycloney whirl and caught in a nor'westerly flow by that mashed potato depression over the Pacific.

RODNEY HIDE: The chicken did not stop to consider the real cost of its excursion because its government subsidised perk hid the cost from the taxpaying public.

LES MILLS: The chicken has made a choice, which was not genetically determined, and we would all live better together if the chicken stopped trying to blame society for the choice the chicken made for itself.

TAMA ITI: The chicken crossed the road to trample Tuhoe rangitiratanga which if it had bothered to study the real historical facts of this matter it would have known were the true law and custom which govern all chickens.

TEMUERA MORRISON: So it wouldn't be in Guatemala any more.

KEN MAIR: Birds are the true indigenous inhabitants of New Zealand and as such are the true owners of all land. It is none of your business what the chicken does on its land.

ANNETTE SYKES: You shouldn't be surprised if the chicken and I crossed the road to plot terrorist activities, but please understand I'm not threatening anyone when I say that.

CES BLAZEY: The chicken and the road can and should have nothing to do with each other regardless of what was signed at Gleneagles.

THE INGHAM TWINS: Arh ... um yeah.... what me? umm... what....

GEOFFREY PALMER: Without a constitutional restraint, we, the people of New Zealand, cannot stop an unbridled chicken.

NIKE: Just did it.

SUZANNE PAUL: Howmuchwouldyouexpecttopay? Notonlydoyougetthechickenwithwingsbutalsotheroadandifyouareoneofthe first500callersI'llthrowinthisfabulousnaturalglowingcrossingwiththousands oflumionousbluemonkeyshavepaidhundredsforit'syoursfree.PriceexcludesGST, postagepackagingandspecialconditionsapply.

EDMUND HILLARY; The chicken knocked the bugger off because it was there.

SEAN FITZPATRICK: Yeah, full credit to the chicken, it was a road of two halves.

PAM CORKERY: Why did the CHICKEN cross the ROAD? That's just the sort of stupid pig ignorant patronising question I've come to expect a dork like you to ask.

JOHN HAWKESBY: No comment.

DENIS GLOVER: When the chicken bought the farm the bracken made its bed. And why not cross the road? the Magpies said.

COLIN McCAHON: IT WAS.

SUE BRADFORD: To protest.

RICHARD LOWE: I didn't do anything to the chicken.

RENEE CHIGNALL: Of course I made the chicken do it, but the chicken wanted to be forced.

SUZY CATO: Road. R-O-A-D. Avenue, path, street, track, motorway. Brrm Brrm. Road. See the chicken. See chicken run.

JUSTICE MAHON: It has been this roads misfortune to be crossed by an orchastrated litany of chickens. The truth is the most probable cause was a malevolent trick of the poultry light.

C K STEAD: Volkner's was approaching when the chicken made its break for the road. Left right, left right, peck and run.

MARC ELLIS: Ridgey kicked it there didnja mate didnja.

BERT POTTER: Your very question betrays your misconception of the chicken. The chicken was old enough to consent.

DWAYNE FRANCKS: It was looking for CCC - Coops Clux Clan.


Why did the chicken cross the road in the USA?

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. That's what 'they' call it - the 'other side'. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that."

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by 'chicken'? Could you define 'chicken' please?

GEORGE W. BUSH: I don't think I should have to answer that question.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the 'black man' in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

NZine Disclaimer - In no way are we suggesting that any of the people mentioned in this article have ever said any of the words attributed to them. This is all for fun!




 
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