Move three dressing tables, one king size bed, two bedside cabinets, two sewing machines and all the clothes you own, to the rest of the house and the hall and the garage and the back porch.

Bring in your daughter and her husband ("Oh, by the way Mum, I invited Grandpa over today."). One hour later your two little dogs start running and barking as the daughter and her husband have brought their three (big) dogs, their bbq, a large ham, all the ingredients for potato salad, their painting clothes and dog food ('cos they're staying all day to help paint and put up the glass block wall which will partially separate the two rooms.)

I have already painted the new hardboard with left over off-white from my last effort at this long hard job, stepped in the paint while rolling the ceiling and not looking down, dropped a 2' x 4' on my foot and fallen into the newly painted wall. My husband's knees are not as young as they once were so he is hobbling around groaning.

Enter one white Samoyed, one black Labrador and one Rhodesian Ridgeback, with my two little black peekapoos, (did I say I was painting everything white?)

Son in Law: "Hey, you're almost done painting! What kind of primer did you use on the new hardboard?"
Me: "Left over paint."
Son in Law: "I hate to tell you this, but you can't do that. You have to use primer or the steam from the bathroom will soak right into the hardboard, and all your joins will show through."
Me: "So what are you telling me?" (feeling like I want to collapse already and it's only 9 am.)
Son in Law: "Well......you need to either sand away all the new paint, or go and get some kind of primer to paint over the new paint." (About now I want to run away from home.)
Son in Law: (after my husband leaves the room) "Patti, this concrete base for the shower isn't level. To put the glass blocks up I'm going to have to fill quite a bit. We won't be able to get this done today."
Me: "Guess I'm off to the paint store".

Upon arriving at the paint store, "Thank God there is a lady behind the counter," thinks I.
"I have a 'small' problem. I tell her what I have done with the old paint and the men positioned around the counter snigger.
The lady smiles knowingly and says, "Follow me."
Two 4 litre cans of primer and one new paint brush later, I leave the paint store nearly $150 lighter. ($64.95 a can.....Ow!!!).

Back at the house my daughter is cleaning.....Son in Law is putting a huge ham into his bbq smoker on the patio....Grandpa is standing over my husband telling him how it was in the 30's when he tackled a job like this, and someone screams "BART." The black Lab has brushed up against a wet "white" wall and has paint all over his side. The White Samoyed has left long hairs on the wall and my two little black dogs are still running around barking ('cos they know somebody's getting into trouble).

My daughter and I start the primer coat (second paint job of the day).... Grandpa is still talking about the 30's and Husband is still moaning about his knees. Son in Law is on his knees putting more mortar on the base of the shower and Grandpa says, "Shouldn't we set the toilet now?"
As he stands over the plugged hole where the new toilet will go....."Shouldn't you take out that piece of plastic first".....
"Ahhhh yup," says husband, "but everyone'd better put a mask on."
Off comes the plug and....wowwwww! what a smell arises from the open drain to the sewer. Quickly the crippled husband and the 88 year old move the new toilet and position the porcelain over the hole....anchor it down (daughter runs to turn the fan on), and wooffffff we have (ker plunk....woooosh) a working toilet..... "Okay, who wants to christen the new dunny?"

Now comes your visualisation. The vanity is still sitting in the middle of the room because I still have to paint (again)...the window sills for the two new windows are still not in place, the wall to wall (yukky orange brown) carpet is half way torn up, three vacuum cleaners are awaiting use, various boxes filled with components for the shower are strewn around the room, along with five people wondering where to start. Outside are five dogs scratching at the screen door trying to get in, and from the patio smoke from the grill is filling the room - and daughter and I are trying to paint....

Get the picture?

About 4 o'clock daughter and I are exhausted, husband is still moaning, Son in law is still on his knees (but there are four rows of glass blocks up by now) and Grandpa is still standing over my husband (who is putting up more tile on the outside of the base of the shower) telling him about the 30's and how construction was done in "the good old days."

We have a wonderful picnic of ham and potato salad on the patio (sitting in the debris from the construction with saws and wood, insulation, fine particles of wood dust on the picnic table, open sacks of cement and briquettes)....and guess what! It starts to rain! Everyone runs around to move stuff under the canopy while the flies have a go at our food and the dogs jump up to devour anything the flies have left.

Me: "Is everyone having fun yet"?

Back to the painting.
Daughter: "Mum, what are you going to do with these dark brown doors?"
Me: Roller in hand and a gleam in my eye, "Stand back." And with one big swoop I hit the door that she has so meticulously painted around with my roller and say with great glee......"Paint the darn things."

Next morning.
4:30 a.m. I crawl out of our guest bed in the dark, stumble over shoes, boxes and the dogs' plastic bones and try to get out quietly and not wake my hubby.
Ever so quietly I call the dogs and shut the door, turn around and fall over a bedside cabinet that was put in the hall last night (after I had gone to sleep). Moving in painful steps down the hall I peek into the new construction zone.....turn on the light.....and groan.
The walls are white, the rug is still half torn up, concrete is everywhere and strewn around the room are boxes, tools, glass blocks yet to be set, pieces of tile and dog hair.
At least I will have a couple hours of peace at the computer before the day begins all over again.....and Friday and the new carpet are only five days away.

I quietly manoeuvre down the hall and into the dining room headed for coffee, turn on the kitchen light and really groan.

We had forgotten to shut the kitchen ranch slider and 'something' had stolen in during the night and got into the wet dog food the dogs hadn't eaten. Whoever or whatever it was, didn't like it any more than the dogs, because there was food pulled out of the bowls and lying all over the floor - wet gooey dog food.

It only took me a second to decide what to do. I stepped over the goo, made my instant coffee, turned the light out and came in here to write about it all..............someone else can clean it up later......Yeah, right!