Mark Aitchison – 19/11/99
The following terms are defined in order to help new voters, who may have difficulty understanding the subtlety of meaning given to them by politicians.
| Politician’s Word or Phrase | English Meaning | |
| No! Not in a million Years! | Yes! | |
| What part of "No" don’t you understand?! | Yes! | |
| We will consider … after the election | No, but vote for us anyway | |
| We will reduce taxes after the election. | Please, PLEASE vote for us. We’ll even give you back some of your own money! | |
| We will initiate a full and far-reaching study into the possibility of … | No, but research has shown the public are keen on this, so we’ll "study" it for 3 years and use it again next election! | |
| The government should not interfere … | We’ll fiddle with everything we can get our hands on. | |
| We have no plans to do … | We’re not going to tell you in advance how we’re going to fiddle with it. | |
| Reforms | Spend megabucks on a new name, new image, golden handshakes, let most of the profit go overseas, and hope somebody will find efficiencies to introduce. | |
| Efficiencies | Greatly reduce output, for slightly lower costs. Of course productivity bonuses, motivation courses, and market-rate pay for top management aren’t costs, they are investments. | |
| This government has spent more on … | You have spent more on … | |
| Spend more | Reforms | |
| Spend less | Somebody, not you, pays a little less if you measure it the way we do. | |
| Budget surplus | We’ve sold some more of your assets | |
| Budget deficit | We’ve run out of assets to sell | |
| … will be free | Somebody’s going to pay more tax! | |
| Reduce personal income tax | You’ll pay more some other way. Somebody has to pay for the efficiency gains! | |
| Balance of responsibility | Balance of power | |
| Power | 1. Something politicians like to play with, but you end up paying for. 2. Something you pay for, but politicians like to play with. | |
| Government projects | When a company or government department does something that works. |
|
| The Department has let the Minister down | When a Government project goes massively over-budget, or fails, or both. | |
| Economic growth | 1. Something good that happened while we were in power (just don’t try to compare it with countries that know what they’re doing, like Australia and Ireland). 2. Something good that would have happened if only you voted for us instead of NZ 1st. |
|
| Ireland | 1. A country that is doing well because of its low tax rate. 2. A country that is doing well because of its high tax rate. | |
| Honourable Member | [unknown origin; possibly some kind of insult?] A Politician, therefore allowed to say anything and act as they please. Not to be confused with honourable people. |
